When her Mommy was Right

Grandma Kc wrote this on July 27th, 2013 25 Replies

Fruit-filled Ice BarsRecently my blog buddy Lisa over at Grandmas Briefs wrote about becoming “that Grandma”. It reminded me of an incident back in late May. I was helping Amara’s Mommy sell fruit-filled ice bars for the PTA after school. Jenna had already paid for fruit pops for us to have when we were done and one for Amara which she had when class got out. It was a warm day and we were busy! Amara and her friends went off to play.

Amara came back later and asked “Grandma, can I have another fruit pop?” “You have to ask Mommy since she is here.” “Oh.” She didn’t ask her Mom but just kind of stood there so I told Jenna “Amara wants another fruit pop.” She just ignored me! So a few minutes later, I mentioned it again and she comes back at me with “She already had one.” “But she really wants another one and they are almost healthy.” “No!” I hated seeing Amara disappointed so I kind of kept bugging Jenna until she finally just looks at me very sternly and says, “OK – wait! Would you have let me have another fruit pop when I was her age?” I was speechless and just stood there and she gets this judgmental look in her eye and says, “I’m right and you know it!”

Oh, I hate it when she is right! I thought about what she said for 3 days and then finally confessed that she had gotten me thinking (she says she knew she had!) and that she was right. I admitted all of this in front of Amara who was taking it all in and started asking, “What do you mean?” I explained that when her Mommy was her age I would never have let her have a 2nd fruit pop. I just wouldn’t have. “Mommy’s don’t do that.”

But Grandmas do! Right Lisa?

This post has been linked to the GRAND Social blogging event at Grandmas Briefs.

25 thoughts on “When her Mommy was Right

  1. Sarah ~ Magnolia Surprise

    I know just what you mean! I’m not really “that grandma” — I try to follow the mommy rules to the letter, but I do tend to go off the path from time to time! But it is an awful thing when your daughter shakes her finger at you! LOL!!

    Reply
  2. Sandy

    A perfect example of the joys of being a grandparent. It’s so much more relaxed and I think we see things differently. Not that I disagree with Amara’s mommy, and I no doubt would have made the same decision when I was a mom, but as a grandma, I say what’s wrong with a 2nd fruit pop on a hot summer day? I think as grandparents we are older and hopefully wiser, and maybe see the big picture a little clearer because we’ve already been there and done that with parenting. Our own kids were our teachers.

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  3. Judy@grandparentsplus2

    Same here – when my daughter is present she is the mother in charge. But, I’m chuckling here right now because my grandson is spending the night and he is sitting in front of me on his bean bag, playing a video game, with a bowl of candy. A bowl that his mother would in no way let him have. Oh well, grandmothering at its best. :-)

    Reply
  4. KImberly

    I have a situation, where when the parents are present, their wee ones have to ask, and I abide. I don’t like it and if it were hot and there were plenty of popsicles and no parents, I’d be giving them another one. That part of grandparenting is a challenge for me. It is interesting. We do live in a different time. No matter what time we arrived at my grandfathers, and often it was late, he made popcorn and got out the candy bowl. My mother would have never challenged her father on anything. If we got in trouble and she threatened us with a spanking, he would say,” I’d put that off for awhile,” and she did. Didn’t work at home however. She in turn, did the same with my children, and I never challenged her either. Not so for my grandchildren and their parents.

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  5. Joyce

    Hmmm…what do I think? Well, I guess EVERYBODY’S right here! It’s a grandma’s instinct to make her little sweetie happy at any cost, and it’s mom’s instinct to enforce a rule that probably does make sense to anybody who isn’t a grandma!
    But just between us? I’m on grandma’s side!

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  6. Susan

    My husband and I are currently on a very restrictive diet trying to get his blood sugar down. With the perspective I’m gaining on the impact of the food we eat on our health, I might not offer a second fruit pop! But, yes, my instinct is that they should be able to have what they want unless there’s a very good reason for them not to have it, or unless a parent says no.

    Reply
    1. Grandma Kc Post author

      I did feel the need to discuss it all in front of Amara. Sometimes Mommy comes off as the bad cop because she does enforce the rules and Grandma is the good cop because she is a pushover. I really wanted Amara to know I thought her Mom was right.

      Reply
  7. debra

    Hahaha! GREAT story….

    ” “OK – wait! Would you have let me have another fruit pop when I was her age?” I was speechless”

    This is the part where you wish that you could have come back with “correct but I didn’t know any better back then”

    LOL! :)

    Reply
  8. Kristi

    I think that in general, grandparents do have more relaxed rules than parents, but I also know it is important for grandparents to support their childrens’ efforts at parenting. It can be a fine line, can’t it?

    Reply
  9. Vickie

    Oh yes, grandmas do! Like popcorn and icecream cones for lunch! That’s one of the best parts about being a grandma!Of course, that being said, I will always abide by the parent’s rules!

    Reply
  10. hsmominmo

    Oh, the dilemmas we Grandma’s get ourselves in. Or maybe it’s our children who put us in these dilemmas? I find myself caught much like you expressed here in this post, as I’m Grandma to 5 already, but still raising young ones of my own.
    When Mom’s around, Mom’s in charge, but when Mom isn’t around — it’s no holds barred for Grandma!
    Good for you, having the courage to speak outloud for Amara to hear and know the score.

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  11. Karen

    I find that one of the (many, many) blessings of being the Grammy is that I don’t worry nearly as much as I used to about things like too many popsicles. My view has become much longer in perspective and I’m a lot more relaxed about the day to day decisions. I can’t say for sure, but I’m guessing this makes me a lot more fun to be around too!

    Reply
    1. Grandma Kc Post author

      When Mommy isn’t around I just have to worry about Grampy! I don’t think he has ever said No to her — and he is very proud of it! Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  12. Janice Hellzen

    My guess is when our new Granddaughter Hattie is older there will be her Mom and ads house rules and grandma Janice’s house rules. Only if thats ok with her ammo of course ;)

    Reply
  13. Connie

    Wow what a fun story and fun remarks! I know I have to watch it when my kids want something enforced. I usually just stay quiet but sometimes before I can stop myself I blurt something out! Oops! Looking back I probably would have said not to the second pop as a mom but looking at it now I would have to say, what does it hurt? I should have relaxed a little.

    Reply
  14. Julie Phelps

    What I am reading here is what I call “Grandma Wisdom”.
    Sometimes that wisdom makes us go against our grandmotherly instincts – like in YOUR situation: both your daughter and your granddaughter were exposed to grandma wisdom.
    Sometimes that wisdom makes it OK to follow the urge to let our grandchildren behave or have things in a way we did not allow our own children to do. Those urges can usually be followed without any dire results. They are attributed to Grandma love. But wisdom still prevails.
    What is super fun to recognize is that our grandchildren are usually aware of what is going on. They learn that things will be different with just the grandparents than when their own parents are present. It gets to seem logical and natural to them. They find no fault. Children have their own form of wisdom.
    Grandma wisdom allows us to relax a bit. Our life experience has taught us what things it is OK to relax about.
    I also know for a fact that if I were raising a young person right now, I would be less rigid with things I no longer believe to matter to the overall outcome of the person we are raising.
    Over the years I’ve learned to “not sweat the small stuff”.
    Some of what seemed so urgently important to me all those years ago is now relegated to being “small stuff”.
    I dub that “Grandma Julie wisdom”.

    Reply
  15. Betty Taylor

    I try to follow Mommy’s rules all the time, but if Mommy isn’t there and I don’t know what she would do then I can make the decision. Grandpa says, He can do what he wants. I guess that’s why Grandpa is so popular.

    Reply

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